silk scarf studio

yesterday i got to show my neighbor my favorite lamp. how special. now i’ll show y’all too.

i started this lamp during the summer of 2023, and initially this sunshine head was going to be just that, a head on a 5-6 foot self portrait sculpture. i ended up drafting 2 separate life sized bodes, but they didn’t feel right, so the head stayed detached, and eventually was my seatmate on a 36 hour train ride from portland to los angeles.

‘am i your sunshine baby?’ is a self portrait about depression.

through most of my adolescence i struggled through extensive depressive episodes and often existed in a cloud of melancholy and existential gloom. in hindsight, i think i always had this notion that i was unable to be loved, and if i could just feel that ‘love’ i was searching for, everything would magically clear up and all my days would be sunny. the creation of ‘am i your sunshine baby?’ came after an itty bitty heartbreak in 2023, when i realized that externally, people already saw me as the sunshine and joy i was seeking, i just couldn’t feel it within myself. i was hoping for light and joy to be gifted to me by someone else, when i was already emanating them for the world around me. even after coming to this realization, it still took me over a year and a half to actually FEEL that light that i knew was there. in the interim, i would just stare back at this incredible sunshine head with the same dead eyed expression, sigh, and put it back in my closet. in march of 2025, i was going through some terrrrrrible really bad not good times, but emotionally i wasnt dark and despaired and gloomy as i would have been in previous years. maybe it was the therapy, or the mushrooms, or some secret third thing that had taught me to keep it pushing, but the sun was still shining. so i cut a hole in the bottom of this bad boy, added a light bulb, and (finally) gave him his rightful display. art and time are funny like that.

as for its actual construction, ‘am i your sunshine baby?’ is a cheesecloth-mâché hanging lamp, with silver wire for the rays, and standard air dry clay for the face. the face was oil painted, and the body was spray painted. the inner paper mâché layer was peeled from the cheesecloth before inserting the light bulb, to increase the transparency of the lamp and add some interesting dimension to the light emanation. this might be my favorite piece i have made in my artistic career, like a first born child. im sure something will challenge that idea soon, but for now please enjoy my favorite lamp, ‘am i your sunshine baby?’. thanx-

ash

sept 2025